#10. Yes, i WAS a chav!

So just recently ive been listening to loadsa old tunes from when i was a kid, its like im reliving those days when i listen to these songs so im gunna do you a little list of some awesome songs from way back when. Not sure if you know or if ive mentioned it before, I used to be a chav, yes thats right.... I used to be a chav, I wore adidas poppers, umbro jumpers and reebok classic trainers, had a bleached fringe, a ring on each finger that by rights ment i should be draggin my knuckles on the floor, big gold chains and even bigger gold earings then i saw the light at college and discovered music with guitars in it and suddenly felt like i fitted in, as a chav i was never happy and always felt like i had to compete to be cooler, better, than everyone else but as "me" (now) I dont worry about that anymore and Im totally happy with what and who i am. However I can still enjoy the music i used to listen to, well some of it anyways so ive compiled a little list of some awesome songs from back when i was a chav, does it take you back????? here it goes a little something like this:



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#9. Most random film EVER!!!

My weekend was soooo rubbish, on Saturday night i ended up going to bed early as i was very tired, i got into bed and started watching the 40 year old virgin, seen it before, not a great film but it has a few chuckle worthy moments in it, i thought i would go to sleep after that but NO! my spasticated brain decided to wake up and so i went in search of something else to watch, i came across what sounded like a good film, i say sounded like based on the fact it had a good title "perfume: the story of a murderer"....weirdest most random film ever, ill tell you the story!

well i caught it just as it started and please bare in mind i had never heard anything at all about it before seeing it. sooo.....

i saw it from the part where the perfume killer is putting little bottles into a leather holder, i thought "ooo hes fit" carried on watching and OMG the next shot is Alan rickman in a wig and gay clothes talking to some council about taxes, now, you cant lose with abit of alan rickman but lord i bet hes ashamed to have his name to this film, ashamed i tell thee! so from what i can gather this fit lad, who had no name works for some douche who treats him badly, this douche runs in and tells him to get onto something he was suppose to do earlier and said fit lad hides the bottles mega sharpish, I'm like whats he hiding them for then BAM hes killed some poor red head wrapped her in wet clothes and dragged her to his dingy room, we don't see how he did this but we later find out hes hitting them on the head with a wooden mallet *sigh*. He rolls out this poor dead ginge from the wet cloths and shes all naked and he gets this massive rounded blade and skims it over her body taking off what one can only presume to be as body fat *VOM*! then he puts the fat in a tub, stirs it up, puts it in a home made science kit and the steam creates a liquid as to which he puts in tiny bottles, now i know why he wants to hide the freaking bottles. cut to a party at good old alan rickmans manor, his daughter played by the girl who was last seen in the secret garden (where the fuck has she been all this time, acting school, clearly not!) suggests a spiffing game of hide and seek, they all join in, off they go to the maze daddy has in the garden. its very lovely til this girl finds herself without anyone following her cos they've all hidden and oh no its dark and I'm feeble, enter fit lad killer from behind a dark corner of the maze, WTF is he doing there, is he gatecrashing that shit! we don't know! she gets spooked by a presence and runs away, daddy calls everyone back from the game and she doesn't return, hes getting scared and oh there she is, she just took her time, didn't see that coming! but 2 girls are missing, roll on the body fat skimming of a set of beautiful twins! *yawn*

More and more murders happen, they all have 2 things on common, they are all beautiful and red heads, it just cuts to a shot of each body dumped in various positions, naked with all there locks chopped off a la sinead o'connor with some poor soul finding them. The towns people are outraged and scared for thier lives, the council call a meeting, alan rickman pretends hes now the number one detective and says there must be a rational answer....murder? rational? hmmmm! people are on the look out for a killer. For some unknown reason he suspects that his beautiful daughter is next on the list and he decides to ship her out and off to far away lands, well you never guess what, hes right, said fit killer has one bottle left to fill and hes out for the secret garden girl! he senses, oddly, that's shes been whisked away, sniffs the air and has suddenly become a tracker from lord of the rings, off he goes and can follow their exact trail just by a sniff of the air, cut a long story short, he finds her and kills her in her hotel room, leaving her naked and hairless as the day she came. meanwhile back in town a random dog has found the clothes and hair of the murdered girls in the perfume killers quarters, now they have their killer but hes goooone!

this is where it gets weird, OK maybe its weird already but it just gets worse. Alan rickman goes to his daughters room to find her dead, spralled across the bed, not so secret garden up, screams of woe follow. during screams of woe, killer is caught making his next batch of perfume from secret garden girls body fat and taken back to town, he is then water tortured by alan rickman, who doesn't seem to lose his temper but rather asks gently why he killed his daughter to be told the killer needed her. OK so hes going to be slaughtered in front of the townsfolk. it comes to the day of his execution, hes hauled by shackles but secretly hes stashed a bottle of perfume in his pocket, wops it out (the perfume you naughty people) and then suddenly he appears from a carriage wearing the kings robes. it shows no transition and by this time I'm sitting gawping at the TV with a disgruntled "i don't get it" look on my face. he walks up to the exectutioner and suddenly OMG we have the wrong man, this man cannot be a killer, he pulls out a hanky from his pocket drops abit of perfume on it and wofts it in the air, people start falling about like they are in the matrix slo mo scenes and screaming, next thing you know every single person is naked and getting their shit on with the guy or girl next to them while fit killer is standing watching in the kings robes, even the priest is getting his shit on! someone kicks over a bucket of lemons and it reminds killer of his first love, the first girl he ever killed cos she was so beautiful then everyones suddenly asleep. a narrator talks he says "and they awoke from a slumber to find the most terrible hangover" or something pishy like that and then they all scarper feeling a little silly and er probably very foolish, fucking ell they just had the worlds biggest orgy!

by this time fit killer has managed to get back to his hideout, mix all the bottles of perfume together and run away to a new village where apparently he came from in the first place, he turns up in the kings robes, opens the perfume, pours it on his head and a bunch of villagers who were sitting by a fire run over to him and eat him, the end???? yes, the end!

WTF!! am i missing something, i totally don't get this film, in fact i feel cheated by whoever made this film and they should give me back my time. 2 bloody hours, 2 bloody hours of my face being stuck in the same "wtf is going on here expression" if you get this film, please let me know what its about.

#8. NEXT TATTOO

This is the design for my next tattoo, it is dedictaed to michael jackson, my idol! I designed it but the lineart is patchy due to me wanting to get it done asap! it will be on the side of my left thigh, approx 9" x 9" ................... what do you think????

#7. Weird 7 days

Its the 2nd week of the new year and already things are just turning wierd and totally inconvienient. is this the shape of things to come?? i hope not dang it!

My 7 days (im talking thursday to thursday as today is thursday and it all started going tits up last thursday) in traditional terms thats not a real week hence ive called it 7 days. well, it started with SNOOWWW, we cant cope with that shit, this is england, we arent made for ice and snow, we arent made for any weather mind you cos no matter what it does over here we always moan, it rains....boscastle dies, its too hot....buel water dries up, it snows....we come to a standstill, its windy...we moan about our beautiful flowers having thier heads knocked off, jesus people what weather do you want???

anyways im ranting, yes back to where i was, thursdays snow! The snow stopped me from going to work which wasnt a problem as i needed the time off but suddenly i didnt know what to do with myself, finally i decided i would design my next tattoo, i pretty much spent the day with my face covered in pencil lead, not a good look. friday came, the snow threatening my night out, my only night out of the week due to being so tired from over doing it at christmas, yeah i got 12 hours sleep in 5 days, not good, well not for me anyways. In the end the snow stopped me from going out i was miffed to say the least but my night turned out to be quite good as i spent until 7am saturday morning on the phone. Saturday and sunday were just a blur, i was up at 11am on saturday and awake til 5am on sunday morning talking to the same person on the fone again, which was very nice.

Monday came, i went into work and started feeling incredibly sick, for some reason i couldnt keep my food down and i was feeling really tired and the same for tuesday tho in the afternoon i had started to feel a lil better with the sickness, noooo im not pregnant!!!!! I left work, excited to get home and what happened, I BROKE FUCKING DOWN!!! thats right, i spent 2 hours sitting in the freezing cold in my car cos the bloody heap of junk broke down, how unreliable. I had to call my breakdown service, i spoke to this guy (no idea of his name) he spoke to me like i was his best mate, like he'd known me for years, kinda wierd as i didnt know how to react, he kept saying "ahhh wiiicked" and he did make me laugh. The breakdown guy arrived and informed me it was my clutch, my heart sank, i knew this was going to be expensive as it had gone in a previous car of mine, he said "ahh i see you need a knew clutch, aint gunna be cheap ya know" i felt like hitting him with how flipant he was but i guess he was trying to make light of the situation as by that time my face was blue with cold and it felt like my fingers had fallen off. well, he couldnt fix it by the road so he towed me home, i got in and once i had warmed up the sickness returned, maybe i should have stayed in the cold, whats worse?!?! I just wanted to fall into a hole, the sickness made me feel like i was eating my own bile with every breath, not nice and not sexy and the car thing had just pissed me off! Onto wednesday, probably the best day of the week, minus the car problems and feeling continually sick im actually feeling ok with this day, mostly because i had this great idea of doing a spoof of the hollywood undead music video "Undead" with a bunch of my mates (expect to see this come from us in the summer) and i kept chuckling to myself of what to do for various scenes and also i was looking forward to my mate was coming round to cheer me up, which is good and i needed the company. We spent the whole night laughing our heads off at ridiculous things on youtube, mainly smosh and shane dawson and then we watched my fave anime princess mononoke and like i always do when i watch anything to do with studio ghibli i started drifting off to sleep whilst watching it, i think the music does it.

Now here we are and its thursday, Ive spent the day wondering how i can improve my life and its frustrated me somewhat, I had a workout (20 mins on the bike, pfffttt no more thanks) and then i did some stretches and now i feel like my legs are gunna fall off as i havent rode for years but i need to get my fat ass in shape. i feel abit lonely today and could do with some attention, cuddles would be good, but as per usual no one is about to get hugs from....LOVE ME!!!!!! How were your last 7 days??? tell me, stalk me!!!!

This video has made my 7 days!

#6. Ive gone mad with the power, the power of the blog!

85% of my friends are guys and today my best mate Chris (bingy) sad I've gone up my arse with the power of the blog, though i don't really understand this as my blog doesn't seem to hold much power. i think its just him, hes abit crazy like that. or maybe my blog holds lots of power as my hits seem to have gone up lots, probably doesn't look like much if u read my hit counter but its a big change considering a week or so ago i had nothing, I'm just pleased that some people are reading it, i don't know if they find it good reading though or are the like "oh ffs, look at this silly bugger ranting on about shit again, id rather shove carrots up my arse or slit my throat with my most recent giro than actually pay attention to this idiot" i dunno, maybe your all laughing at me, in the bad way.....bitches! all of you, if so!

i digress......anyways my point is i reckon its mostly girls who would be reading this, its usually women that have the brain span to follow such a thing, so I'm wondering who out of my male friends is reading this other than Chris. I'm guessing no one will tell me but if you have the guts and your not made of flubber maybe you could speak up, buggers!xxxxxxxxxxx

#5. Significant songs of the last 2 years

So i was listening to a load of songs the other day and every single song that happened to pop up was just awesome and i realised that these songs had played a massive part of the last two years, some of you may know that im a musician, therefore i understand music differently to those who arent musicians, i think music speaks, it says all the things i cant and so much more.

well, what ive done is compiled a list of the songs that have made my last two years, it was going to be year but then i realised i started listening to these songs about 2 years ago, so thats why its two years.

here we go, each song has a little explanation. click each song title for a youtube vid.

Sorry, you're not a winner - Enter Shikari
i started listening to this song around about the very first time i started going to wired (march 08(alternative night at a club in margate)), i discovered it at wired and it soon became part of my list of most favorite songs, its signifcant because going to wired helped me get over a break up, thats weird but its the truth, it got me out and meeting new people.

Diary of Jane - Breaking Benjamin
this song is related to the first person who i met after my breakup in 2008, although he never had any time for me which is why this relates to this song, it made me realise that i would meet someone new and i was capable of "pulling" i thought this would never happen, just like every girl does when they split up with someone.

Dont Stop - Innerpartysystem
I guess this song is significant because its like a driving song for me and over the last two years whenever something goes wrong i drive, driving gives me something else to think about, i crank it up as loud as possible and just listen to all the sounds and it makes me think of good times.

Dressed for friend requests - Drop Dead, Gorgeous
ive had the album this song is from on repeat for pretty much forever, brings out the emo in me! nah, it kinda sums up the anger ive felt at certain occasions.

Twisted Transistor - Korn
this is weird cos maybe you might think ive taken this abit far, it just sums up how i feel about music becuase even if no one else gets me, theres always a song to listen to that seems to totally understands me, abit emo but oh well - this song is so significant to me im even considering having " A lonely life where no one understands you, but dont give up becuase the music do" tattoo'd on me, its just very applicable to my life.

I dont care - Fall out boy
now im not usually a fan but this is just so true, cos i dont care what you think as long as your thinking about me, like any publicity is good publicity if i was famous kinda thing.

Under the sheets - Ellie Goulding
see if you can work this out, anyone who knows me well might get this.

A plot to bomb the pan handle - A Day to remember
This is just an all round great song to listen to when people piss you off or you get angry or hurt "ive learnt to let go".... great line, we should do that more often.

Everybodies free (to wear sunscreen) - baz lurhman
I heard this one day when i was in my works van travelling back to my work office shortly after my breakup in 08, it made me cry becuase it made so much sense to me, i had heard it many times before but all of a sudden it just made sense, to this day when i hear it, it makes me cry, i dont know why, it makes me spine tingle. its just so right.

I never wanted - As I Lay Dying
This is the song i can currently relate to the most, ive just been listening to it alot and i guess it makes sense to what i can relate it to.

Snuff - Slipknot
Probably the most significant song of the last 2 years for me for sure, i went through an extremely tough situation and this song just had everything i needed to say packed into one little tune of sadness, anger, love, betrayal, happiness, just all emotions in one song. This song is related to one small person but the situation was huge and probably the toughest thing ive ever had to do in my life.....ever. I will write about this "situation" you will have to look out for it. it will feature this song.

hope you enjoy my selection.xxxxxxxxxxx